Having a deaf child in the family affects all of the other kids as well. My kids have all been little troopers and learned how to occupy themselves in small quarters with creative entertainment options. One of those entertainment options seems to be having to use the restroom frequently when we have been at an appointment for an extended period of time:) Though, I have learned from my daughter that pointing the air dryer down the back of your shirt, does make you warmer on cold days:) And for some reason, commodes in many hospitals sound like a jet liner taking off when you flush them. So, when the excitement in the patient room wears thin, there is always the bathroom to use for entertainment.
We have a game that we play where we take turns hiding a penny in the room for the others to find. We have also acted out stories such as "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", and have put blown up surgical gloves on our heads so we look like chickens while waiting in various rooms for doctors or other professionals.
It is a delicate juggling act to make sure that all of the appointments and time spent at home, that is needed to ensure that your deaf child gets what he needs does not leave the other children feeling slighted.
My kids are still young, so they don't really know any different. I have talked to other parents with deaf children whose children are older, and resentment can develop. The siblings of the deaf children comment on how much more time mom is spending doing things related to the deaf child. Some parents even report that in moments of frustration their non deaf kids will exclaim, "I wish I didn't even have a deaf brother/sister!"
Having a deaf child definitely impacts the entire family. I'm sure that families with any child requiring special or additional care face the same frustrations. The whole family is affected by all of the appointments and extra attention that parents need to pay to the deaf child. There is a window of time to get language in and you have to maximize that time.
Although, it can add some extra strain at times, I know that having a deaf child can also strengthen a family too. My kids are usually very sweet together and people have commented on how Chance's siblings look out for him and make sure that he knows what is going on.
We do try to make sure that the other kids get the time they need too. Sometimes that means holding a tea party for the neighborhood girls at our house or all of us driving in the car while a scout sells Scout O Rama tickets. And sometimes it just means taking an afternoon off and letting the kids just play and have a free afternoon. We have found that even little week end getaways as a family can have very good effect. (It’s good to have family in St. George :) ) A week end away with no appointments and no daily schedule. Just time to play with the kids and spend time with them.
I don't feel that having Chance has created a big hardship for out family. On the contrary, he is a great blessing to all of us, and we wouldn't trade him for anything. He is a light that brightens our days.
I just want to be careful so that my children don't start to wish that they didn't have a deaf brother.
I overheard my oldest son telling a friend yesterday that he is tired of always going to people's houses while I am at appointments. I am trying to be aware of the needs of my other kids and choose carefully what I commit my time to. We explained to my son that we knew it was hard and we appreciated all of his help. We also tried to explain that we need to put extra effort in now so that Chance can learn how to hear with his implants and acquire language. By doing this now, we hope that Chance will get what he needs for later. Our son seemed to take it in stride, but I know that it is not easy for him.
We are really trying to be aware of the impact all of the hustle has on the family. I am looking forward to summer when I plan on giving the kids more carefree time and we have some fun family activities planned.
I know that our family has learned many things through having a deaf child. I have great hope that we can find the right balance and all come out stronger for the experiences in the end.
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