The importance of friends

When Carol Flexer gave a presentation in Salt Lake City she spent all day giving us great information to help the deaf children in our lives. As I listened throughout the day about helping these kids and helping them learn to self-advocate, something occurred to me: The advantage of having a few good friends that you feel comfortable asking questions. If you have a friend that you feel you can turn to and say,"What did she just say?" It could make all of the difference.
I began to wonder if as kids get older they actually are less inclined to ask questions when they miss what was said.

I think of myself in situations where I am in a group of people and miss something that was said. If everyone around me starts doing a task and they all seem to know just what to do, I usually won't ask right away what we are doing. I will sit back and observe everyone for a minute to see if I can figure out what I missed. When everyone around you seems to be in the know but you, sometimes you feel a little sheepish because they all got it and you didn't.

I can see how our deaf kids would just see if they could figure out what was going on instead of asking about what they missed especially as they get older.

I brought this topic up as I ate lunch with my deaf and hard of hearing friend and they readily agreed that there were times when they tried to figure out what was going on around them by observing those around them rather than ask questions as everyone else seemed to know what was going on. Especially in high school.

Chance with some friends at the Hogle Zoo

I thought of Chance's neighborhood friend that is in his class at church. I have seen Chance turn to him to clarify that he heard something right. He is comfortable doing that with this friend and so he does. I wonder if he would be as willing to ask if he was sitting by someone who was not a friend or someone that he didn't know well. Hmmmm.

I can see the advantage of being with people you feel comfortable enough to clarify things with or ask questions to when you are a deaf child.

I have seen Chance freely ask his friends in the neighborhood to clarify things and he will ask us in the family when he doesn't quite get what was said, but if he was sitting by a child he didn't know real well at school? I don't know that Chance would bother asking.

I think he would ask if the situation got desperate enough. Like if the room went silent and everyone was typing steadily on their computers and Chance didn't know what in the world they were supposed to be typing. I don't see Chance sitting and doing nothing instead of asking someone what they are supposed to be doing because it is important to him to do well in school and finish his assignments. But I do wonder if Chance would ask every time he needs to in various situations when he misses what was said. It is something to think and talk about with him to help him learn that part of self-advocating is asking questions even when he may not be completely comfortable, so that he knows what is going on.